Advice for a Bored Stay at Home Mom Who Wants More Out of Life

Dear Lisa,

I’m a 23 year-old stay at home mom and I feel trapped and want more out of life. I saw your YouTube video and had to reach out.

There is no love life. I would say he is just now a familiar face that I share find memories with. I'm constantly having to convince myself to stay in this relationship but I feel that doing so is just making me resent my husband when I know none of this is his fault. I fear I have 'outgrown' him. I'm always thinking I would be more suited to someone older because my mind is a lot older than it's years. My husband shouts and overreacts about anything and everything and I’m getting highly irritated with it.  I don't unnecessarily have the energy to argue with him because I don't feel I care enough too.

All I want is to have a career I love, to be the best mom I can be and to have an easy, stress-free relationship.

Lisa, my three questions I have are…

Have I outgrown my husband?
Do I still love my husband?
Will I ever feel happy if I stay with my husband?

I just want a relationship where both me and my significant other are relaxed, have lots and lots of laughs fun. A relationship where there’s more ease and flow and less pressure. I have an overwhelming feeling of unhappiness because something in me keeps telling me this relationship isn't right and I can only push it down for so long. I know I deserve to be happy and this is not happiness at all.

HELP!!

Abbey in the UK

***

Hi Abbey,

It sounds like you have your answer but, for some reason, you are wanting permission to live joyously.

God grants you permission. You are free to live your best life.  I do understand that the idea of leaving isn’t one to take lightly. I’m all for problem solving so let’s have a look at what may really be going on.

Sometimes people are meant to be with us to teach us something about ourselves or to bless us in some way. You and your husband brought life to the world. That was what you were together to do. Be grateful for this and know that, should you choose to end the marriage, you can be forever connected through the parenting of your child. 

People say they outgrow people all the time when in actuality they are outgrowing this version of themselves.

You can and should allow yourself to grow with your partner.

AND... what I am hearing your say is that you are a stay at home mom who yearns for a career. You my love, want to serve. You are being called to do something greater. Inside you know that while you adore your child, there is more for you to do to share your God given gifts with the world. 

People make the mistake of "pushing" their truth down and denying it. This is self abandonment. It sets up an inner conflict that says, "you're meant to suffer and are unworthy of happiness." It's a lie. 

You have a vision of the life you want and you are being called towards it. When you don't answer the call, you feel negative emotion. If you pursued happiness, that which we focus on manifests, so... make feeling great your top priority. That is a GREAT example to set for your daughter. 

Some important questions to ask and things to consider are…

  1. What if you focused on self fulfillment from within the marriage?

  2. What if the issue isn’t your husband but the dynamic that has formed based on who you both are being in the relationship presently?

  3. What if I told you this dynamic can change? You can decide to create a new dynamic at any time and then shift to step into whatever that is.

  4. What of all you need is a purpose of your own, perhaps a work from home job that calls upon your talents?

  5. What if you get a job that you can do from home and you start to feel great about yourself and from that positive feeling place you rediscover all you love about your husband?

Know the key to all change is within ourselves. We can only change ourselves and from there inspire our partners. When we make our own happiness our responsibility, we show up for ourselves and don’t write off relationships and chalk it up to outgrowing the other person.

We give ourselves what we need. We go find a job, take a class, start a hobby, go inward for the answers.

Work on getting YOU happy and then you’ll see how your energy impacts your husband. Have faith!

Grateful to have found one another.

Much love,

Lisa

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