What to Expect When Hiring a Dating and Relationship Coach

Perhaps you found this blog because you’re considering hiring a dating and relationship coach to help you with your love life. You may have gone onto YouTube or did a Google search and somehow it led you here. Good. There are no accidents and a ton of fake coaches out there with zero credibility putting up a sales funnel with some click bait. Buyer beware. I’m going to break it down for you. I’ll share exactly what to ask and what to expect when hiring a dating and relationship coach.

  1. Expect to speak to the coach or a sales rep who screens potential clients to see who is serious and who is just exploring.

    The coach (or sales rep) will probably speak to you for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. This is a sales process. It is to get a clear sense of the problem you’d like to solve, why this problem is important for you to solve now, and how serious you are about your personal development. It’s a two way interview. The coach is determining if you’re a fit for the programs they offer. They basically want to know you’ll go all in, commit fully and get an optimal result. This “discovery call” or “Love Life Assessment) is a great opportunity for you to get information and to determine if you truly beleive that they are the coach for you.

  2. Expect for it to be a serious investment of time and money.

    The reason personal development is “expensive” is because we typically show up more committed and with a different energy when we spend more money. Have you ever gone to a free workshop? You might show up a few minutes late, sneak peeks at your Instagram, text someone. You might jot down a few notes. Hell you might even wake up the day of, see that it’s raining, and blow it off. Who cares? It’s free!

    Think about the time you spent $50 on Amazon buying self help books. You read them when you got around to it. Or maybe you put them on your nightstand, read 4 pages and there they still sit. Why? Because a $50 investment wasn’t enough to get you to commit.

    Now, when you’re investing $1500, $4000, even $10,000 and up on a coaching program, you’re allocating a specific day of the week for your one-on-one session, your watching your coaches content on social media, you’re factoring in 30 minutes per day at least for inner work, you’re going to buy a new notebook or journal with colored pens, candles, and maybe you’ll hit up the new age store for a new crystal to hold in your hand as you drift off to sleep. You are 100% all in committed. You dial into your Skype call on time. You text your coach to confirm the session is happening because you’re so excited to dig in and transform. You are open and ready to learn and grow.

  3. Expect the coach to also have coaches.

    This is a great question to ask a coach while on the “discovery call” or “Love Life Assessment.” It’s a great way to separate the fake coaches from the real deal. Ask them if they have a coach, who they’ve coached with in the past, what workshops and books they’ve done and are doing presently.

    I personally am always immersed in some program, book, or course. For people who are 100% committed to their personal development and elevation of consciousness, they never stop learning and integrating what they learned into their lives.

    Oprah Winfrey has Deepak Chopra and Gabrielle Bernstein has Marianne Williamson (yep the Democratic Presidential candidate who is a NY Times Best Selling Author and spiritual teacher of A Course in Miracles). So definitely ask your coach who they are studying and who their favorite coach was and why. If they fumble and seem rattled by the question, politely thank them and hang up the phone.

  4. Expect to get really uncomfortable as you battle between ego and fear and love and faith.

    If the coach is good and is fully committed to move your along, you’ll dig into your fears, habitual limiting beliefs and your ego, which keeps you stuck and small. You’ll recognize where your inner 6 year old is running the show, why, and if the coach is really awesome, they’ll give you some practical tools to help you show that inner brat who’s boss. You’ll start to recognize when you’re leading your life with love and faith and will want more of it.

    Some people will fall away which is can be very uncomfortable. There will be upheaval. You’ll find yourself not wanting to listen to the negativity of your friends, family or coworkers. Things will shift; BIG TIME. This is normal and part of the clearing. Think of a caterpillar before it turns into a butterfly. It goes through this really awful uncomfortable period where it’s disintegrating itself so it can then emerge as something entirely different. Transformation comes with discomfort and everything good resides right outside your comfort zone.

  5. Expect to be tested, tempted and surprised.

    If you’re dating, expect to get that out-of-the blue text from the ex, or slip into bad habits like sleeping with someone way too soon. If you’re getting over a breakup or divorce, you’ll be tempted to reach out to them, text them, get into an argument with them. You’re learning. You’re changing your ways.

    You’ll get frustrated with yourself but stick with it. I promise; the more work you put into yourself the more positive changes you’ll make and the ore confident you’ll feel. You’ll create some awesome, necessary and healthy boundaries.

    You will slip up and I think this happens so we can step into forgiveness and compassion of ourselves. Either way you’ll learn to love yourself no matter what.

  6. Expect to figure stuff out for yourself.

    A great coach asks powerful open ended questions, is transparent and generous with their wisdom. However, only you know what is best for you. You live with you. You know yourself best. Your coach will ask you some tough questions and you may ponder them after your session is complete. You’ll reach some breakthroughs and you’ll feel like you’re figuring out some really deep life changing stuff. The work you do in-between sessions with the support of your coach, is often the most transformational.

  7. Expect to be empowered to step into self discipline and personal integrity.

    With love, kindness and respect of course, it is your coaches job to see the best version of yourself that you have yet to step into. You have this idea of who you would like to become. Your coach supports you and moves you forward as you become this new version of you. Your ego will pop up again and again and you’ll try and bargain with yourself to remain stuck and comfortable. Your coach will call you out on it and should help you get real with yourself, work through what the resistance is about and do what the greater you knows is best (not your inner 6 year old).

  8. Expect to transform.

    If you and your coach vibed well from the beginning and both truly committed and showed up 100% throughout the process, never skipped a week of one-on-one sessions, rescheduled within the week, did the work, was in touch during the week in the manner provided by the coach, read the materials, absorbed the content, did whatever it took to go from where you were to this new unknown, yet way better place, then you’ll come out transformed. You get what you put in. You’ll notice it. You’ll catch yourself choosing differently thinking, huh the old version of you would have though this and done that, but this new version is going in a whole new direction and it feels great. Ready to begin? Start with a Free LoveLife Assessment.

Lisa Concepcion